"We'd like to begin the boarding process...for everyone but you!"

I have had the great "pleasure" of traveling quite a bit over the last few months, which has included a lot of air travel. Anyone who has flown on a commercial flight knows the various forms of torture involved, but lately, it seems the airlines have opted to get it going before you even board.

Remember how simple it used to be? When they were ready to board a plane, they called out row numbers, and when your row was announced, you casually strode up to the gate, ticket in hand, to board the plane.

That was then. Now, the mere announcement of the inkling of a thought of initiating the boarding process starts an ambush of anxious travelers towards the gate to jockey for position. The reason being that they no longer subscribe to the 'to expedite the board process, we'll be boarding from the rear of the plane forward' method of loading a plane.

Firstly, they board first class. Yes in return for paying 3 times what the saps in coach pay for a ticket, you have the esteemed joy of getting in your seat first to watch all the poor folk march by and bop you with their elbows, knees, and luggage, all the while being seated for an extra half hour, a huge advantage on a long flight.

Then comes a dizzying array of categories of  people far more important than me who have been granted early access: Priority, Diamond, Platinum, Gold, Silver, Bronze, Sapphire, Ruby, Emerald...It seems that if you are not associated with a precious metal or gem, you are not worthy of boarding an airplane.

Of course there are the 'people who need more time', families traveling with children and active military as well.

Only now do we come to the general boarding. Although at this point, I look around, and the waiting area is mostly empty save for myself and the few other unfortunate souls who failed to achieve the status of any of the aforementioned categories. We are left to try not to scalp anyone as we make our walk of shame down the aisle, scrounge for any available overhead space, and climb over our fellow row-mates in an effort to complete the boarding process for an on-time departure.

I realize it's just sour grapes on my part, having not paid for, earned, or self-proclaimed any need or reason to get on a plane casually, but let's be honest, all of these mechanations all boil down to a single objective, securing the precious space in the overhead compartment. This rarest of commodities has grown more so, since everyone hates to wait for bags at the claims, and airlines try to use bag check fees to supplement their bottom lines. Having traveled on some 'newer' aircraft where the goal is maximize number of seats, with no increase to baggage capacity, it's a problem that won't be going away.

So, put on the helmets and shoulder pads, and get ready for take off.